– Are you avoiding me?

– No … why would you say that?

– Because you never returned my messages.

– I’ve been swamped.

– Whatever.

– No seriously I’ve been busy. I’ve barely talked to my parents.

– You never talk to your parents.

– That’s not true.

– Fine.

– It’s not true.

– Okay.

– Good.

– Actually ….

– What?

– Nevermind.

– Spit it out.

– I shouldn’t have to.

– What the hell is that supposed to mean?

– What the fuck do you think it means?

– You’re talking in circles ….

– Did I do something to piss you off?

– No!

– Or freak you out or something?

– What are you talking about?

– It has to be something.

– I’m totally in the dark right now as to what you’re talking about.

– That’s not my fault.

– Have you been drinking?

– No!

– Then what’s with the cryptic messages.

– I’m not being cryptic.

– Then spit it out already!

– I’m exasperated.

– About?

– Fucking hellll …

– About what?!

– About you!

– What did I do?

– You’re avoiding me.

– I am not avoiding you.

– I find that extremely hard to believe.

-Well it’s true.

– Whatever.

– Where are you getting this from?

– I’m getting this from the fact that we saw each other almost everyday for six fucking months and now … now we barely talk.

– This is ridiculous!

– Was I a shitty friend? Was I boring? Did you not have the courage to kick me to the curb of your social life when I was actually around. Was I too clingy?

– Stop it.

– No! I want to know.

– You’re embarassing yourself.

– My whole life is a slideshow of embarrassing, cringe inducing moments. I can take care of myself.

– Are you done?

– No.

– Can we stop then?

– No. I want you to talk to me. Sorrrry wait let me rephrase that … because we used to talk a lot, remember, but we never really said anything, wouldn’t you say? I just want you to tell me the truth.

– There’s nothing to say.

– Really? After all the time we spent together; lunches, movies, meanders … after all that,  don’t you have the decency to drop me a line? Fucking hell … you were my best friend. I thought you were at least … I thought you cared about me. I know not like that …for fucks sakes. Now I just think I was convenient.

– Listen …

– Like shit on the bottom of your shoe.

– No.

– I can’t help the way I feel.

– I know.

– So whaddya say?

– (long pause) Jesus. I’m sorry….

– I thought you were more clever then that.

– I didn’t realize…

– Well now you do … I just … I just miss you. I need a shoulder right now. An ear. Anything really…

– Ah.

– But if that’s too much effort for you…

– It’s not that.

– Then what is it?

– I’m going to sound like a bastard right now …

– Don’t get ahead of yourself.

– It’s just that … I haven’t really missed you.

– Figures. Most people don’t.


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