12:34

1.

Fear has consumed me.

I’ve been devoured by its harried, desperate jaws.

Swallowing me whole.

Fear, anxiety, neuroses have broken every bone in my body and I am paralyzed.

Inept.

Barely articulate.

Unable to hash it out.

Unable to plan it out without feeling tired.

Without feeling useless. Without feeling trite and alone.

I thought I had it right.

Head held high.

Laughing.

Dancing.

Teasing.

As the spring air kicked winter in the ass.

Whipping us into shape … ready for our big break!

But I … I … I …

I can’t finish a thought.

I put on a happy face.

I do the steps. But they’re never good enough.

I watch as my friends charge on with passion and pride.

I watch as they jettison off … to corners unknown.

I watch and I lay.

I sit and I stare.

And I watch as I lay under the awning of green that will never stray.

Alone.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting for … what? For you? For them?

HA!

Lets face it.

I am waiting.

Waiting for the clocks to turn back.

So I can try it again.

So we can laugh again. Talk again. Stroll again. Create again.

Begin again.

 

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